I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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