also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
