"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
this is an emotional support booty call
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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