are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
