Will you blow on my dice?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
