my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im part way to drunk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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