I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
