the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
