She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
