You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
