nut hugger
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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