i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
