So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
