i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
