Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
