Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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