She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
