Im at strip club and am horny
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
