Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My liver just broke up with me...
Soap is not a condiment
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize