I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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