I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
