Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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