it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
