i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
