Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
