to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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