..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
