i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
