now i know why i became what i already was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
