We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
