i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just google imaged poop.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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