I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
