i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
