god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well you can't waste a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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