You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
