I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
