had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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