SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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