How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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