but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
