I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
