Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Barsexuality is the new black.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
