In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize