I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
