I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
