She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
