Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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