You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
