I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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