Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
