He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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