Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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