Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
