I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Houston, we have a blender
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
