ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
