Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
