I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
