What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
