I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
