we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
