He kissed a someone with a penis
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
