How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
