I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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