Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
