After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
