I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize