I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
