I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
