wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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