I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
