yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
