I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
