You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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