I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
false alarm, still single
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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