btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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