Pappa wants mamma naked
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's never too late to be topless.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
