I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize