dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
