I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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