shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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