I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
