just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
