you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
