of course. lets lasso hookers.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
