After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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