You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
