I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
