I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
