these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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