The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
